I will not write about my roommate

So, I'm going to write about something kind and caring...or not

I wrote another song today, and Leah says that it is the best yet, but something is just not speaking to it. It's called Groundswell. In one of the first classes I ever took with Jan, she talked about the concept of the groundswell. A groundswell is that moment when you first realize that you are alive and part of something bigger than yourself. I tried writing a poem about it in that class and it didn't come out right, and so I started writing a song, which has less pressure. And then I realized that I couldn't narrow down to just one groundswell, so I did three. First, I did my first memory of playing on my father's grandmother's walker, then I did singing with Shosha, and finally a moment in Scotland where I realized that I didn't have to redefine myself with every move, that who I am travels with me.
This last one is of particular interest. Something happened to me in Scotland that changed my whole life. I found myself taken out of context and I wasn't really comfortable enough with myself for that not to cause outrageous panic. Who are we when everyone we love, everything we care for, and everything that has changed us and molded us, is across the world? And so I thought of this line that I remembered writing in my journal in Scotland after I came to the answer to this question. "Love knows no nation". I found some teeny bit of truth one day walking up the Coastal Trail, that you make your home inside yourself and you fill it with all the events and people in your life that have brought you comfort and joy, and you take it with you like a turtle. Problem is, I forget that all the time, and I have to sit back and remind myself of that, and work at making it become more real. And now that I think about it, its really not a good idea to harbor bad feelings in my home, so I need to make them go away, let go of bad feelings towards my superficial, inconsiderate, inwardly hostile roommate who happens to go to bed at 12 which is the only reason I live with her instead of sweet, slightly troubled, but kind hearted Tanzina (see! this is easier said than done!), and also let go of the complete hatred I feel towards George Bush and Crew. Hating them does not change anything, and it only makes me feel icky, like there's mold growing under my floorboards.
There are three kinds of people in Buddhism (they have proper names but I can't remember them): Selfish, Dark, and Diluted. The selfish one internalizes everything around them. She panics and worries and fixes things all the time. The Dark one wears lots of black, thinks that nothing is right in the world, has bad feelings towards the character of people, and generally is annoyed with the world around her. The Diluted doesn't know where she is, and doesn't really care. She is generally the happiest of the three. Supposedly everyone can be catogorized into one of these types. I'm afraid I'm spread out in all three, although (OBVIOUSLY!!!!!) I think I'm more a Selfish than anything else.
Speaking of selfish....I set viggo by the hall window so he can wait for me to come back from class and some asshole came upstairs and TOOK HIM! Just took him, as if he was theirs. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!! (that's my dark side coming out). Fortunately, Hazel saw him in another dorm and took him back. So now, he's not leaving my room. This is why I sometimes feel like Bard is a real shithole (this is the Vulgar coming out in me) because people destroy your igloo and take your Viggos. Just yesterday, I was out by the window playing Twang (that's her name now) and somebody threw a big piece of ice at the window and cracked it. They were drunk or stoned or both and in a big group. It wasn't even somebody I knew. And I wonder, were these people raised by wolves? WHere the hell were their mothers at that crucial stage in life where you learn that you aren't supposed to throw things at windows, or when you learn to not take what isn't yours, or to respect other people's work. My God...

Okay, enough of that. Boots for Maggie (that's us by the way) has a gig on Sunday. BReak a leg us!