A Tear in My Beer

So I had a gig tonight, the premiere of "Waitin' for Marriage" at the Black Swan Irish pub. Sang myself hoarse, strummed a blister into my thumb, and stomped a hole in the floor. A fun time was had by all .
I even tried out some solo work in the middle there. I did "Top of the World" and "My Love Will Follow You" and "You Were Mine" and...uh....oh, and "Disgusted". I am so proud of Disgusted, my one blues song, because when I did the guitar solo, it sounded really good and that made me feel really great. I still haven't figured out the lyrics to it though. I've listened to the Lucinda version over and over again and made educated guesses but it's a real coin toss. I wish I could get ahold of the 1934 Lil' Son Jackson version. I know it's out there but i don't know how to find it. But if I just sing it like Lucinda, it doesn't matter really if you have no idea what "what man like a woman whip a sassy child" is refering to or what's the other stumper "I can go Chicago with the man over rare." But anyway...
We closed with "Case of You" which we did so passionately that I cried afterwards. Benjamin plays the guitar part perfectly and Leah's violin just cried right along with it, and I did my best at the dark, resonate Joni Mitchell voice. I felt good about it though, because I was singing Joni Mitchell's notes, not really varying at all from her version, but the quality of the sound, the heart in the voice, that was mine. That made me feel really good too. I really like it when I don't have to play the guitar, when I can just hang on to that stool and concentrate completely on my voice and the words and the mood, making sure that I don't push to hard (because i tend to go a little flat when i do that) and that I don't swallow words up.
But anyway, after that I felt a gush of sadness and homesickness and sorrow in general. The line "But be prepared to bleed" really stuck with me. And I thought about how bleeding makes us human and that feeling lonely and scared was just another way of bleeding a little. I don't know why I felt so lonely tonight because I wasn't really. I felt so good and so comfortable about the people I was with. I have never been so completely in sync intellectually and emotionally with a friend than I am with Leah, someone who is so genuine and aware of what goes on around her. But nevertheless i felt a little alone tonight (or should I say lonesome in honor of bluegrass music). It will be good to be home.